Tuesday, January 28, 2014

I Look UP to Single Women With No Kids, and I'm Not Sorry

You've all seen that crazy blog, right? The one written by Amy Glass, who looks down on women who marry and pop out kids, then choose to raise their kids and not go out into the 'real' workforce... She says that women like me (and so many others) are not "on equal footing with a woman who works and takes care of herself". We're simply women who chose the easy path, the common path... that we're average and asks the question, "Why on earth are we settling for average?"

Simply put, like her title says, she looks down on me and those like me.

I'm sure there are more responses to this blog post than I'll ever read, but here's my take on it...

Yes, anyone can get married (assuming we're not going to branch off onto the gay rights issues). We can have children (let's not get into fertility issues either). We can (if we choose to and can make it work) be stay-at-home moms. We can do this before or after we backpack our way through Asia, get a promotion, or land our dream job. We can go to college or not go to college.

She says that "The dominate cultural voice will tell you these are things you can do with a husband and kids, but as I've written before, that's a lie. It’s just not reality."
I say it's not impossible, but yes, definitely more difficult. So does this woman have a problem with the fact that we choose this life at all, or is it all about our timing?

Personally, I wish I had gone out and experienced things before I got married that are much more difficult to do now that I am married. I should have traveled. I should have gone to college. I should have met people and saw things and gone on adventures. I look up to the women who go out and do those things! But I didn't. This is not to say I'd trade my life for another, it's just that I would have done a few more things before I started the life I'm living now. I stayed inside my box, and, according to that woman, I chose the "path of least resistance". Why then, do I feel like my path is full of potholes, obstacles and stormy weather??? I'll tell you why- it's women like her. Moms like me constantly have to battle the judgement that comes when we say we're stay-at-home moms. That's a good chunk of resistance on top of all the other stuff involved in running a household. I'm not going to get into the fact that moms of children with special needs have some extra stress in their lives.

Running a household... This woman apparently hears all about how hard it is to raise kids and run a household, but obviously never from a man because, according to her, "Men don’t care to “manage a household.” They aren’t conditioned to think stupid things like that are “important.”" WOW! In my opinion, a good man, KNOWS the importance of running a household and raising kids. I shudder to imagine the kinds of people she associates with. Who runs her household? 

Who raised her? Her mother? A nanny? A foster parent?? Does she have no respect for the people who raised her with the values that she has, to go out and get a good job and experience everything the world has to offer? Or maybe she had a very difficult childhood and those who raised her don't deserve that respect....

I like to imagine she just twinkled down from a cloud of superiority one bright and sunny day.

She states that "Women will be equal with men when we stop demanding that it be considered equally important to do housework and real work. They are not equal. Doing laundry will never be as important as being a doctor or an engineer or building a business. This word play is holding us back" 
I agree a bit here... the clothes that I clean every day are not nearly as important as the lives that a neurosurgeon saves every day. But guess what- that kid I'm washing clothes for, he might one day be in the operating room saving lives. I bet the majority of people this woman considers to be 'important' and 'successful' owe a lot of thanks to their moms. And I bet they're not sorry for it. 

In case you're wondering, Amy Glass, I do hope I can raise my kids to go out and achieve greatness. I want to push the importance of a college education and seeing the world. I also want to push the importance of family and raising children. I want my kids to be open to new things, to think outside of the box, and to have a strong moral foundation. But you probably don't care because I'm just a lowly housewife who has no right to address you.

Let me reiterate: I don't regret having my children or making the choice to stay at home and raise them. I do think it would have been an amazing thing to look back on my life, however, and see accomplishments like going to college or traveling to foreign lands. 

Where would we be without mothers? Where would we be without women who are willing to sacrifice their bodies, their time, their personal space, their money, and, so often, their very DREAMS, all in the name of LoVe??? 

I'm not saying moms who choose to work or have to work to make ends meet are not those kinds of givers. I think moms who work outside the home are incredible! A single mom who works outside the home?? She's Supermom.

I'm also not saying that women who choose to never have children are selfish. They might spend their spare time volunteering or mentoring. Maybe they rescue homeless kittens on the weekends. I'm sure there are plenty of them out there who are selfless beyond belief. 

I think as moms, as women, we simply do the best we can no matter our situation. We do what we feel is right. What's best for one woman isn't ideal for the next. Nobody handles the exact same situation in the exact same manner- because get this: we're all DIFFERENT! Instead of ridiculing our peers for their personal choices, let's celebrate them! Let's lift each other up!

Have you ever heard the quote:

Promote it Amy, but don't bash those of us who are on the other side of things. We're doing important work too. I don't know what you do for a living (I'm guessing you're a doctor or an engineer or a business owner), but guess what I do...

I'm above and beyond just average... 
I shape a small part of the future.

 Top that.

Monday, January 13, 2014


I think about this blog often. I wish I posted as much as I thought about it.

To catch up- London went in for a sleep study to check for apnea and other things. I was SURE that it would show us something. Something that we could treat. The study was hard on her... trying to sleep in an unfamiliar environment while hooked up to to about a billion wires and machines along with having a cannula in her nose just isn't her thing. But we got through it and I guess she slept enough that night for them to get the information they needed. I waited patiently for the results... And when I read the letter from the doctor, I was completely disheartened.

The test was basically normal. Her blood is oxygenating normally, she doesn't have any sort of significant apnea, and she's reaching REM cycles fine. The only thing that was noted that I could check into was an elevated amount of leg movement (restless leg syndrome) that could be due to low iron levels. What?? That's it? I felt like an idiot. I was sure that since she was waking up so often through the nights and sounding to congested that there would be talk of something that we could do for her.

But on the other hand, I sort of knew deep down that all of this was simply a matter of her condition. Her extremely low muscle tone makes it difficult for her to do many things- hold her own head up, clear her throat, eat orally, clear her esophagus completely when she swallows... and now, apparently, breathe normally. It's not that she can't breathe, she's getting plenty of oxygen to her blood, and we're not at a point where we need to be too alarmed. I should be grateful. But I wanted something fixable.

 Her breathing is better than it had been, but she still often sounds extremely stuffy and congested. It's likely that this will always be the norm.

I had a good long talk with her neurologist and gastroenterologist about her condition and the struggles she is having lately and about what to possibly expect for her future... it was the hardest, most real, conversation we've had, but I left feeling better about the certain decisions my husband and I had made about London's future, and I felt that I had complete support from her doctors. They were both very understanding (they both know firsthand many of the things I'm going through as a special needs mom), and they took time to explain things to me and answer all my questions. They were behind me 100%, and it gave me a little bit of confidence that was missing. I really needed that!

Our future, London's future, isn't certain. Nobody can tell me what exactly to expect, because they just don't know. But having an open dialogue with her doctors and our family has been really good for me. My stress level was through the roof because I was holding so much inside... I felt like coming out and saying it would make it real. Well, guess what- it was already real... now I feel like I can at least prepare for whatever her future might be.

I have also been mentally preparing myself for London's Wish. Holy cow, what an experience that is going to be! We got to take London to the Wishing Room where she declared her Wish (to go to DisneyWorld and to swim with dolphins) and after getting approval to travel from London's doctor, we're all set to go! The travel coordinator has been in contact with me about travel dates and it's looking like in March we'll be headed to sunny Florida!

I'm so nervous I could barf.

I'm scared that I didn't make the right choice for her wish. I'm nervous about traveling with her. I'm worried that there won't be rides she can go on (even though I've been reassured countless times by those who have gone before us that there will be plenty for her to participate in)... I'm trying so hard to just sit back, relax, and enjoy this amazing gift that has been given to her and to our family, but I won't lie- it's difficult to keep the anxiety at bay about it all. What if she hates the plane? What if the weather doesn't agree with her seizures? What if she gets sick while we're there? What if, what it, what it????

(If you haven't noticed by now, I'm THE BIGGEST worrier in the world!)

But overall, things are good. We're lucky! We're blessed! We had a good holiday season (even though we all go the flu, then when things were looking better, I got hit with it again HARD. I swear I've been sick for months!) and I'm glad to see the start of a new year.

2014 is going to be an adventure! I've made a lot of goals for this year and I'm looking forward to making them a reality.

Thanks for reading! More SOON!! (if I post that, maybe I'll make it happen... I've got so much I'd love to write about!)