Tuesday, January 28, 2014

I Look UP to Single Women With No Kids, and I'm Not Sorry

You've all seen that crazy blog, right? The one written by Amy Glass, who looks down on women who marry and pop out kids, then choose to raise their kids and not go out into the 'real' workforce... She says that women like me (and so many others) are not "on equal footing with a woman who works and takes care of herself". We're simply women who chose the easy path, the common path... that we're average and asks the question, "Why on earth are we settling for average?"

Simply put, like her title says, she looks down on me and those like me.

I'm sure there are more responses to this blog post than I'll ever read, but here's my take on it...

Yes, anyone can get married (assuming we're not going to branch off onto the gay rights issues). We can have children (let's not get into fertility issues either). We can (if we choose to and can make it work) be stay-at-home moms. We can do this before or after we backpack our way through Asia, get a promotion, or land our dream job. We can go to college or not go to college.

She says that "The dominate cultural voice will tell you these are things you can do with a husband and kids, but as I've written before, that's a lie. It’s just not reality."
I say it's not impossible, but yes, definitely more difficult. So does this woman have a problem with the fact that we choose this life at all, or is it all about our timing?

Personally, I wish I had gone out and experienced things before I got married that are much more difficult to do now that I am married. I should have traveled. I should have gone to college. I should have met people and saw things and gone on adventures. I look up to the women who go out and do those things! But I didn't. This is not to say I'd trade my life for another, it's just that I would have done a few more things before I started the life I'm living now. I stayed inside my box, and, according to that woman, I chose the "path of least resistance". Why then, do I feel like my path is full of potholes, obstacles and stormy weather??? I'll tell you why- it's women like her. Moms like me constantly have to battle the judgement that comes when we say we're stay-at-home moms. That's a good chunk of resistance on top of all the other stuff involved in running a household. I'm not going to get into the fact that moms of children with special needs have some extra stress in their lives.

Running a household... This woman apparently hears all about how hard it is to raise kids and run a household, but obviously never from a man because, according to her, "Men don’t care to “manage a household.” They aren’t conditioned to think stupid things like that are “important.”" WOW! In my opinion, a good man, KNOWS the importance of running a household and raising kids. I shudder to imagine the kinds of people she associates with. Who runs her household? 

Who raised her? Her mother? A nanny? A foster parent?? Does she have no respect for the people who raised her with the values that she has, to go out and get a good job and experience everything the world has to offer? Or maybe she had a very difficult childhood and those who raised her don't deserve that respect....

I like to imagine she just twinkled down from a cloud of superiority one bright and sunny day.

She states that "Women will be equal with men when we stop demanding that it be considered equally important to do housework and real work. They are not equal. Doing laundry will never be as important as being a doctor or an engineer or building a business. This word play is holding us back" 
I agree a bit here... the clothes that I clean every day are not nearly as important as the lives that a neurosurgeon saves every day. But guess what- that kid I'm washing clothes for, he might one day be in the operating room saving lives. I bet the majority of people this woman considers to be 'important' and 'successful' owe a lot of thanks to their moms. And I bet they're not sorry for it. 

In case you're wondering, Amy Glass, I do hope I can raise my kids to go out and achieve greatness. I want to push the importance of a college education and seeing the world. I also want to push the importance of family and raising children. I want my kids to be open to new things, to think outside of the box, and to have a strong moral foundation. But you probably don't care because I'm just a lowly housewife who has no right to address you.

Let me reiterate: I don't regret having my children or making the choice to stay at home and raise them. I do think it would have been an amazing thing to look back on my life, however, and see accomplishments like going to college or traveling to foreign lands. 

Where would we be without mothers? Where would we be without women who are willing to sacrifice their bodies, their time, their personal space, their money, and, so often, their very DREAMS, all in the name of LoVe??? 

I'm not saying moms who choose to work or have to work to make ends meet are not those kinds of givers. I think moms who work outside the home are incredible! A single mom who works outside the home?? She's Supermom.

I'm also not saying that women who choose to never have children are selfish. They might spend their spare time volunteering or mentoring. Maybe they rescue homeless kittens on the weekends. I'm sure there are plenty of them out there who are selfless beyond belief. 

I think as moms, as women, we simply do the best we can no matter our situation. We do what we feel is right. What's best for one woman isn't ideal for the next. Nobody handles the exact same situation in the exact same manner- because get this: we're all DIFFERENT! Instead of ridiculing our peers for their personal choices, let's celebrate them! Let's lift each other up!

Have you ever heard the quote:

Promote it Amy, but don't bash those of us who are on the other side of things. We're doing important work too. I don't know what you do for a living (I'm guessing you're a doctor or an engineer or a business owner), but guess what I do...

I'm above and beyond just average... 
I shape a small part of the future.

 Top that.

1 comment:

  1. A dear friend of mine responded with this on Facebook (I was hoping she'd put here on the blog, but I'll post it)

    I have an aunt who never had children, they simply chose not to. She got to pick up and go whenever she pleased, take vacations to beautiful places. Never had years and years of sleepless nights. When I had liberty {her first child} she had the balls to tell me she wanted to adopt liberty. After a fulfilling life of doing whatever she wanted there was still something missing. Woman are creatures who have nurturing and mothering instincts. She had missed out on her life as a mother. I believe there are few woman who would see a child crying in the grocery store and not stop to dry the tears and track down the mother. If a woman chooses not to have children that's all it is,a choice to not have children. When a woman tries to tear down a community/lifestyle she knows nothing about she looks like an idiot. Thank God woman like miss glass don't plan on reproducing. I don't know how much more if het idiotic bs I could read through. Oh and throwing a shower for a woman who takes a egg the size if this . and makes a human life is amazing. She has created a life she can if she chooses nurture it with her own body beyond the age of one. That is incredible. I feel just as proud packing my little miracles around the playground as she does across Asia and I'm okay with that.