The Jack Attack

The Jack Attack. That's what we're calling it.
It's the term we use whenever we are talking about the tumble I took down the stairs the other day. A tumble I took, by the way, while I was carrying London to her room.

I'm a person who is used to clutter. It's just how I've always been. I have always been pretty good at knowing where to step to get around the vacuum cord, even when I'm carrying something I can't see over. I just don't trip on things, or step on things, even when the house is full of landmines in the form of left shoes, board books, remote controls, and every freaking Fisher Price toy in the universe.

But about a week ago, I succumbed to the efforts of my youngest child trying to cause me great bodily harm. Think Stewie from Family Guy.

London had been sick that day, and since I had to keep bathing her after she puked, I just took her upstairs for the day so we were close to the bathroom and I could get some things done around the house and still have her close to me. Husband and K were at scouts and it was just me, London, and the littlest person of the family, Jack. He's one, and he's such a putterbutt. He just goes all over the house, upstairs and down, finding things and moving things and generally just being adorable.

Husband and Kannon get home and husband sees a Lego train car on the stairs. He moves it back to it's proper place in the Lego basket and comes upstairs where we talk about our days. About ten minutes go by and I decide that it's time to take London back to her room for bed.

I picked her up like I always do, which is like cradling a baby with her legs draped over my right forearm and my left forearm under her neck. She tall these days. She's nine years old, after all.

Our home is a split-entry house (brilliant, right?) and I made it down the first set of stairs without incident. I got the the landing safely. I didn't even know what awaited me.

I took one step down the next set of stairs and things were fine. No hairs on the back of my neck stood up. It wasn't until I moved to put my right foot down onto the second stair that I felt it. A Lego train car. It took my heel right out from under me and even as I was barely registering that I was going down, I was screaming. I knew this was going to be ugly-- falling forward down the stairs while carrying my 48lb daughter who has no way to catch her own fall.

My left shin hit the edge of the stairs and I felt like it cracked. My right knee somehow hit something and hurt just as bad as my left tibia.

It was one of those experiences that happens so quickly, and yet WHILE it's happening, it seems to go on forever. You simultaneously have complete thoughts about it all and yet you can't even think fast enough to consciously react.

We ended up on the floor, me wailing (mostly out of horror of what just transpired, and a bit out of pain from the fall), and London still in my arms. She was still and quiet. I thought she was dead. Thomas rushed down the stairs and Kannon came out of the bathroom right at the bottom of the stairs; right where I lay bawling on the hard floor. Thomas grabs London and puts her on her bed. Kannon is fighting back tears and is scared to death over what is happening. I'm finally able to ask how London is after a few moments and Thomas tells me she's totally fine and that he didn't even think she hit the floor.

Eventually I scoot back up the stairs on my butt and manage to get to my bed. My left leg is already swollen below the knee and my right knee feels like fire. My elbows and arms are fine so I'm not sure how I caught myself or managed to keep London from hitting the floor.

After a little while, we decided I better go to the ER to just have things checked out. My inlaws came up to sit with the kid and off we went.
They took x-rays of my hips, my lower left leg, and my right knee.

The doctor came in after about 30 minutes and told me nothing was broken. Sweet. He asked if I wanted pain meds and I said I'd probably be fine with a muscle relaxer (my neck and lower back were really starting to hurt by this time) and tylenol.

Then he showed us a spot on the x-ray that he wanted to make me aware of. There was a spot below and behind my right knee where the bone was more white in the films. He said something about how he and the radiologist agreed that it WASN'T cancer, but that if I ever start getting pain in that area, to have it checked out because that's what bone cancer looked like. Or what this spot could turn into... or something like that. I was still kind of wigged out that the word cancer was being brought up when I only came in to make sure my shin wasn't cracked.

When we got home that night, Thomas looks at me and says, "I can't believe you fell for Jack's signature move... the Jack Attack!"
It was so dumb it was funny.

And guess what was at the bottom of the stairs tonight when I went to tuck London in... Yep, a damn Lego train car.

Special Needs Superstars and Why It's Ok For My Typical Kid to go Without

Logging in just now felt like running into an old friend who you often think about but never take the time to reach out to. I've had so many thoughts rattling around in my brain lately; like coins in a soda can. Noisy and hard to ignore, but equally difficult to get out.
I'm not too proud to admit that many of my thoughts recently have involved some kind of resentment.

This time of year is always kind of bittersweet... I love the spirit of the holidays-from Thanksgiving to Christmas- but I always struggle a little to keep a smile on my face when all I can think about is how I wish London could run around with her cousins, or eat the stuffing that my mom makes that I love so much, or help decorate the Christmas tree. Or anything at all, really.

To keep my mind in a positive place, I try to do whatever good deeds I can for people who I feel need a little help or a little extra cheer. And one of my favorite things is reading stories of good people doing good things simply because they can.
There's no shortage of stories like that floating around Facebook, and I find that many of the families in the special needs groups that I belong to are recipients of such kindnesses. It's truly heartwarming. And sometimes heartbreaking.

Let me explain.

You know the old saying, 'the squeaky wheel gets the oil'? That's very much true in some of the groups I'm in for special needs families. There are superstars. There really isn't any other way to put it. These kids are incredible and strong and they are fighters to their very core. They have news articles written about them, and strangers from all over the country and even the world follow them on social media. They get donations pouring in from people and organizations all over. The posts about these kids are always met with countless comments and sympathy.
None of this is necessarily a bad thing.

But what about the other kids? What about all the other parents who are quietly struggling to make their ends meet? What about the ones who don't post about how hard their life is and about how they can't afford everything in the world and how their hearts are breaking because of the emotional toll that this special needs journey is taking on every aspect of their lives?

I've sat back and watched the same people get help and handouts from organizations over and over. I've seen how their Christmas's are plentiful because of generous people who want to do a good deed. I've noticed how they get things taken care of for them whenever they mention that money is tight. I know that the siblings of these special needs kiddos often get a bunch of crap just because they have a brother or a sister who is medically fragile and requires a good portion of the family income to care for. There's equal parts of incredible and irritating in all of this.

Incredible to know that people are willing to reach into their pockets and give of their resources. Incredible because so many people want to make a positive difference. Incredible because nobody wants to see a kid go without simply because they have a sibling that requires a lot of extra care and attention.

Frustrating because it seems to always be the same families in all the groups. Frustrating because they aren't the only ones hurting. Frustrating that they call the attention to themselves so often, knowing full well that by doing so, they are bound to get money or gifts.

Let me be clear here: I'm not saying every person who receives any kind of assistance or help like this is exploiting their child in order to get free shit. But, seriously, it seems like some of them use their kid's situation to have bills paid for them or to have Christmas provided for their family.

Let's talk about the siblings or kids who are medically complex and have special needs. They go through a lot of crap. They have often seen things that many people never have to see in their life-- like seizures and procedures and medical tests. Chances are they've felt scared that their sibling might die. They probably have felt jealous about the amount of attention their sibling takes from them. They have almost definitely missed out on fun activities because their family can't afford them or they can't do them due to the health of their sibling. Maybe Christmas doesn't involve mountains of presents to unwrap.
I'm ok with that.

I'm ok with my child knowing that they sometimes had to go without because of our unique situation. I'm ok knowing that my other kids might not get everything on their Christmas lists because money is tight. I'm perfectly fine if some stranger DOESN'T swoop in to provide games and toys and gift cards for my kid on Christmas...
It might be hard on them now, but I hope that one day they would look back and see that that's what family is. It's sacrificing for each other. It's leaning on each other and sometimes going without a new video game in order to pay for medication. It's doing whatever it takes to ensure everyone is taken care of before making sure that everyone has STUFF.

I find myself resenting those "superstars" a lot. Sometimes I DO want someone to recognize that my other kids have had to deal with a lot of grown-up shit even though they are just kids. Once in a while I want people to share my daughter's story with admiration and, yes, sometimes it would be pretty damn amazing to just have all my needs taken care of every time I post about them on Facebook.

But here's the thing: our needs ARE always taken care of. By hard work, smart money choices, and sometimes the help of people who love us. We are so incredibly blessed to have family and friends who will step in when we need someone to watch the kids or when we need help with home repairs. I've done fundraising before where I'm blown away by the generosity of people who don't even know us. I hope that when my boys are grown, they can look back on their childhood and feel proud about the choices we made and the times that they missed out on something because there were more important issues. I hope they learn that being a squeaky wheel isn't who they want to be.
If the meek truly do inherit the earth, then I hope they are meek and humble and kind and willing to make sacrifices for those they love.

365 of 30: Days 28, 29, and 30

Things have been pretty mundane for the past few days. I admit, I haven't done anything truly significant to spread happiness to others, but I have been happy to have my family all back together!

The husband went hunting with his buddy on Sunday so it was just me and the kiddos at home. It was a low-key pajama day with lots of movies and lots of laundry! Sometimes those are just the best kinds of days- no reason to leave the house, nowhere in particular to be, and you can just float along all day. We certainly floated on Sunday.

On Monday I picked up my teeth bleaching trays from my dentist! I am so excited to have them done and I had decided that Monday would be my last day of soda. I figured if I'm investing in a whiter smile, I better stop wasting money on something that is not only bad for my teeth, but bad for my health in general.
Well, I totally cheated. I drank the last of a bottle of Pepsi I had in the fridge earlier today.
I regret nothing. I'm bleaching my teeth as I type this. No more soda!
If you're feeling down, consider a diet change. Even if it is as simple as cutting out something less than stellar for you body. I'm not one who can go without sugar or bread, but I think if I really try, I can stick to this no soda thing. I'm keeping Excedrine and chocolate on hand for the headaches.

Today was another low-key day. K woke up puking, London seemed extra sleepy, and Husband had a ton of errands to run. I stayed home and played 14,793 games of tic-tac-toe with K.
He's so fun to play games like that with. He could just keep going and going for hours! Sometimes I let him win, sometimes I win and try to teach him about being a good sport if he loses.

Well, today, he actually, genuinely beat me! TWICE! I know it's such a simple thing, but I was so proud of him! K is the type of kid that just hurries through everything without stopping to learn about what he might be doing. He's just so into the adventure of things that it can sometimes be difficult to get him to focus. Well, today he focused, and took his time, and thought about his moves and he won! It was the best thing!!

On another happy note, I found out that a friend of mine is expecting her first baby! I am so excited for her and her husband to start this amazing adventure called parenthood! They are going to be amazing parents!

Seriously, do babies just bring the Happy or what??

Which brings me to my next thought... if you know me, you know I want another baby. It's no secret. Husband and I have been on different pages about this for some time now... ok, maybe not different pages entirely, but more like different paragraphs. He's very logical in the way he thinks and makes decisions and I just go with whatever my heart tells me.

I'm not announcing anything.

But I did finally say some stuff and express some feelings that I have never expressed to Husband about this particular subject before. We actually talked about it all. It was nice to just get all my feelings out in the open rather than being ashamed or embarrassed or feeling silly- even if we didn't end up with the exact same thought process on the subject.

 Now I have some Walking Dead to catch up on and some shut-eye to get to.
Keep smiling!

365 of 30: Days 20 through 27

Lots has happened and things got busy since my last post!

In preparation for my husband to come home working over seas for the past several months, K and I got new haircuts (sorry, London, your crazy mop of hair had to wait), we cleaned up the house a bit, and tried to make it look like I kept up on the housework while he was gone. Truth is, we really didn't care too much about how the house looked, we were just excited to have him home!

K didn't even recognize him at first when we picked him up. He's got a pretty good-looking beard going on! :) We grabbed some burgers on the way home and just relaxed for the rest of the day. Happy much??? I think so!! It's nice to know that he's home safe after so much travel. Kudos to you moms out there with military husbands! I don't know how you keep it together so well while they are deployed! And for the men and women in uniform- thank you! Thank you for the sacrifices you make day in and day out!

After the husband got home, it was all about hearing his stories and catching up. I think the time away gave us each a deeper appreciation for each other. Our marriage, like every other marriage, isn't perfect. But we keep at it, and we work through things.

We started season 4 of The Walking Dead, we had dinner with friends, we shopped for Christmas presents, we had Thanksgiving dinner with his family... it's been a good week! I kind of dread going back to the normal routine. Can't it just be no school and no work forever?? :)

Until next time- SMILE!
If you just feel like there's nothing happy in your day, maybe you need to BE the Happy! Slap a smile on your face and fake it til ya make it, if that's how it has to be. Some days, when I was overwhelmed and didn't have the spouse to help me out after an especially long day, I just had to force my smile and pretend that I really wanted to watch All Dogs Go To Heaven for the fourth time that day.... And guess what, sometimes it helped me to get out of that funk, even when I had to force it.

365 of 30: Day 19 Pick It Up, Put It In The Sack

The park near us always seems to be a disaster. Always garbage everywhere. I blame the delinquent teenage skateboarders and their less-than-classy girlfriends. Every day when I drive by, it irks me knowing that people are just too lazy to pick up their own trash. Pure laziness.

So I decided that after I picked K up from school today that we'd go for a trash-collecting stroll and do a little bit of good for the earth and my fellow park-goers.

Someone has to do it, right?

So we go our latex gloves on, strapped a leash on the dog, readied out garbage sack, and ventured forth.


Kannon thought it was a fun game to look for trash to pick up and he was THE best sport about it! He looked along the bike trail, on the soccer fields, in the gutters, and around the skate park. 

 

One trip around the park and our bag was completely full! 

I talked to Kannon a lot about why we should never litter and he put it so perfectly when he said,

"so some naughty people make the earth dirty and all the nice people have to pick up and make the earth healthy again, right mom?"

What an honest lesson... the good people are always cleaning up after the naughty ones. I'm so glad that he understood what we were doing and why. He was so happy to be able to help the earth and I couldn't have been more proud!

365 of 30: Day 18

London had some appointments today and on the way home we stopped for lunch at one of my favorite burger joints. I was in no mood to get London out of the car to go inside. In fact, I usually eat while I drive because I'm constantly in a state of hurry.

But not today. I at least parked the car, let K climb up front, and we finished our lunch while laughing and talking. I didn't once utter the words, "hurry up" to him. It was just nice.

He asked me so many questions and sang a song from Mary Poppins to us. He asked my if I'd teach him everything I know. He pretended to be The French Fry Monster. His mouth and cheeks were covered in ketchup. He asked if he could be a doctor when he grows up. He asked if he could be a teacher when he grows up. He asked if he could marry me. He informed me of how he gets out of his nightmares. (he opens his eyes and sees his room so then he's out)

He wanted me to tell him all about trucks. I tried my best. I think he might even understand that there's a difference between a truck bed and a bed that we sleep in. He told me he would really love a truck to haul rocks. He didn't know where he'd take the rocks, but he was pretty sure there would be rocks in his truck.

I needed his running commentary today. I need more talk and less rush. More meals together and less eating on the go. I needed that little bit of Happy in an empty parking lot.

Lay Off The Leggings Already!

I'm so bored with the Great Legging Debate. There are countless blog entries, Facebook posts, and Tweets about why women shouldn't wear leggings.

Yes, you're right, leggings look best worn with a long tunic or a dress. Don't our bums always look better if they are covered up??

Yes, some people aren't grasping the concept of sheer. Sheer leggings are a no-go. Sheer anything is a no-go if you ask me.

Let me just address the top three reasons I've heard lately on why leggings aren't pants...

*Leggings aren't pants because they show every little bump and dimple and roll... it's implied that that is the reason leggings don't look good. Well, way to perpetuate the notion that women should be ashamed of their bodies. It's almost 2015- can't we all admit that cellulite is just part of life, especially for women, and there's nothing to be embarrassed about? Sure, there are genetic mutations that make some women skin-dimple-free, so is it then OK for those women to wear leggings as pants because they don't look 'gross'? And here's what I totally don't get: it's women judging other women this way! Women, who know what it's like to be judged that way, are doing the judging. I agree that we should all avoid the camel-toe issues that are far too prevalent with leggings, but come on...

*Leggings are too revealing and shouldn't be worn because men will have impure thoughts. Well, that sounds like a personal problem between you and your husband and you should talk to your clergy leader about it. I will not be held responsible for your husband's damnation. What about tight maxi skirts that are so popular right now? What about the fact that the only reason so many women's cracks don't hang when they bend down is because they are wearing garments? What about fitted tops? Should we resign ourselves to wearing potato sacks just so you can think your husband has only clean thoughts? And what about putting leggings on little girls (and boys. Yes, it's real!)? Can we not do that because we don't want to put bad thoughts into the mind of pedophiles? Newsflash: those thoughts are already there and thicker pant fabric isn't going to stop them.

*Leggings are not for fat girls. Um, they totally are. I'm no waif, and I'll tell ya right now that my yoga pants get my through the week sometimes. Here's the thing, jeans aren't all the comfy, but put them on someone with extra poundage and they are SO uncomfortable! I know I don't look hot in my yoga pants. I really do. But sometimes putting my jeans on and feeling them squeeze my jooby-jell over my waistband like a fat caterpillar only makes me sad and want to drown my sorrows in a dozen cupcakes. Like, why can't I just sometimes get dressed for the day and live in the delusion that I have a pair of pants that actually fit over my ass? Can you just give me that???

I think as soon as labia-revealing short shorts are condemned every summer, we should just leave leggings alone. Stop trying to put women down for this trend... it makes us all look worse than if we wore leggings every day.

Here's a post I stumbled upon earlier that had me cracking up... Everyone chill about the leggings, m'kay?

My Open Letter: The Occupied Space

I am not one for open letters to so-and-so. I think it's something we've taken too far, along with fancy pizza crusts and gigantic hair bows for our babies. I don't need cheese-stuffed, bacon-topped, pretzel crust, nor do I need to read the open letters of every Tom, Dick, and Harry about the various injustices they come across on a daily basis. 

But alas, here I am, with an injustice having been witnessed and the need to just say something about it.



To the woman in the handicap parking spot at Roy City Recreation Center, 

I pulled in next to you, in a rush to get my son in to his swimming lesson to which he was already late. It had already been a long day at the hospital for two separate appointments for my daughter. I had considered skipping out on my son's swimming lessons tonight due to sheer exhaustion, but it was the last lesson and he loves it so much.

I took the last available handicap parking spot, as I had my disabled daughter and her wheelchair in tow. Normally I try to park in regular spots and leave the handicap-accessible spots open for people who are in more need of them than I am. But tonight, for some reason, I took advantage of my right to a handicap parking pass and slipped right in next to you.

I noticed a glow coming from the interior of your SUV and wondered, in the back of my head somewhere, if your interior lights had been left on and your battery was being drained. We were late, it was cold, I had an anxious little 5-year old that needed to get in to his swim lesson and a severely disabled 7-year old attached to a feeding pump. I had a lot happening. But still, my thoughts drifted to making sure some poor sap inside the building didn't come out to a dead battery. I made a mental note to let the front desk know someone left their lights on and maybe they could make an announcement and you would be grateful that someone took the time to notice and all would be right in the world.

But then I noticed you sitting in your vehicle. You were what I'd call an older woman. You looked warm and comfortable and it was then that I noticed your engine was running and what I had originally thought to be the interior lights of your vehicle, was actually just the glow radiating from a digital reading device. Sitting in the driver's seat, you were enjoying some sort of publication on your Nook. Or maybe it was a Kindle. I didn't think much of you.

I try not to ever judge a person that uses the handicap parking spots. I understand that there are so many conditions that are unseen that would make walking long distances very difficult and therefore entitle a person to the coveted handicap parking pass. For all I knew, you had a muscular disorder and tired easily when walking from your car to the door of the rec center. For all I could see, you were an amputee who struggled to even stand up, let alone cross an entire parking lot. You left my mind.

When the swimming lesson was over we headed back out into the cold night. I noticed, as your parking space was a straight shot from the door of the rec center, that you were still there, car running, enjoying what I imagined to be a terribly written harlequin novel on your e-reader.

I walked past your window and muttered to myself, "she's been sitting here in the handicap parking space this whole time?" I was kind of miffed. But, I reminded myself that I don't know everyone's situation.

Maybe you were just the driver, and you were waiting for someone to come out of the building. Maybe you were early for your water aerobics class and you were just killing time with Fifty Shades of Grey. I tried not to judge you. God knows I don't want to be judged when I use the space because my daughter is disabled but I walk perfectly fine.

As I was loading my kids into the car, I noticed you turn your headlights on and put down your sexy time story. I thought you'd be heading into the building for aerobics class or getting out to help some disabled or elderly person into your passenger seat. But you didn't do either of those things.

After I got settled behind the wheel of my own SUV, with my kids buckled safely in the back and the wheelchair strapped securely onto the cargo hitch, I took a minute to check my phone. And I noticed you back out of your parking stall and drive away. Alone.

You were alone in the car when I pulled up, and you left alone. I had given you the benefit of the doubt. I tried. But I just couldn't figure out why you would have been sitting there that whole time, 30 minutes, using up a handicap parking space for nothing other than reading.

Are you disabled? If so, why didn't you ever get out of the car? Were you just there to have a quiet place to catch up on Christian and Anastasia? If so, why did you need the prime parking real estate at a local recreation center to do it?

Were you just the chauffeur? If that was the case, why didn't you drop your rider off and park somewhere other than that very first parking stall? You could have circled the parking lot. You could have left that spot open for someone else.Furthermore, why did you leave without them? Did you decide it's just too much hassle and head to the airport for a one-way ticket to warmer climates and drinks with umbrellas in them? Don't worry, I bet all caretakers have entertained that fantasy. Was the person you were waiting for going to be pumping iron for an extended period of time and you didn't really need to wait in the parking lot at all? Then why sit there for thirty minutes?

Like I said, I try not to judge but I just can't understand this. I've tried.

I know this isn't a big issue for some. Who cares, right? It was just half an hour in one measly parking stall.
Well, just about every person who has every had an actual need for those spaces cares. Those are the people you affect with your ignorance. I hope you had a sincere reason for what I witnessed. I hope I'm wrong about you. I hope next time you go somewhere, you'll park appropriately. I also hope you weren't reading that terrible trilogy.


Sincerely, 
The Frustrated, Feeling Overwhelmed, Emotionally Drained, Assumes Everyone Is Honest mom who parked next to you for those thirty minutes that you were catching up on your reading 




I know I'm not perfect, and I shouldn't judge others, but this makes me crazy. It's like when a single, able-bodied person uses the handicap bathroom stall just because they like to stretch their legs while they pee. Well, guess what. I'm the mom who has two kids, one wheelchair, and a tiny bladder that is forced to wait for you to vacate the stall in order to use the restroom. 

Let's all just be aware that there are actually other people in the world, shall we? 

Day 365 of 30: Day 17

I got the opportunity to volunteer my time to K's preschool. It was very simple, just making some pillowcases that they needed made, but it was nice to be able to help out. I wouldn't exactly say I'm down with volunteering at the class field trips or patient enough to help the kids with their finger paintings, but I can sew. It was good to feel like I could help out without wanting to throat punch someone else's child. Harsh? Ok, so maybe I wouldn't throat punch them...

Give of yourself when you can, in whatever way you're comfortable. It doesn't have to be a big, dramatic gesture. It can be as simple as 9 pillowcases. Just do some volunteering, it'll make you feel good.

365 of 30: Day 16 My Little Guppie

I watched K at swim lessons today.

He amazes me. Not only because I'm a little partial to him, but because it's truly amazing to watch him learning and trying new things. It's amazing to watch any child learn.

Maybe it's because I have a greater appreciation for things like this since London isn't able to do all these things... But think about it. Think about how much a child learns in the first year of their life. The first five years. And every year after that they are exposed to one thing after another that they can learn from.

So something as simple as watching K at his swim lessons brings me so much joy! Knowing that he's cognitively able to understand instructions and make the effort... it's so simple, but so phenomenal!

When he was just a baby, I cried a little when he learned how to transfer a toy from one hand to the other. His development surpassed London's at such a young age. My heart both broke and swelled with pride all at once.

Don't ever take for granted the fact that your child can learn and develop. It's amazing. Try to take the time to answer their questions or show them how to do things.

365 of 30: Day 15

I'm treating myself to whiter teeth.

I've always hated my teeth. So I decided to save up the money for some whitening trays from my dentist's office and I finally got the process started.

I'm not trying to be vain, but sometimes doing something to make you like your appearances a little more is just fine.

I'm not a huge fan of plastic surgery or cosmetic procedures- but seriously, dental work just doesn't count in my book. Your smile is a huge part of your overall appearance, so take care of it and if you're able to, do what you need to make yourself love your teeth! :)

365 of 30: Day 14

Happy is going out to lunch with your best friend. And that's exactly what happened on Day 14.

Mexican food, inside jokes, and honest talk.

Get yourself some! It's sure to keep your spirits up!

I don't necessarily have a ton of close friends that I go out with. But I the very best friends in the world. It's about quality, not quantity. It's about surrounding yourself with people who love you for who you actually are, on good days and bad days. Friends who can confide in you and who you can trust with all your own feelings. You don't always have to agree, or have the same interests- in fact, in so many ways, this particular friend and I have complete opposite tastes- but she's been by my side for the past 17 years and I can always count on her for a laugh or a shoulder to cry on.

Things get so crazy after high school graduation and marriage and kids and careers. Don't forget to take time out of all that chaos to slow down and catch up with friends once in a while. 

365 of 30: Day 13 Stinky Dog

So our Dane was a hot mess. She needed a bath in a serious way and she has been shedding like ca-ra-zy! So gross...

So Day 13 was tackling the job of dog-washer.

Well, she's a Great Dane. She's stubborn. She's old. Getting her into the back of the SUV is always a challenge and also something that I always worry will break her hip or, so taking her to the groomer was out of the question. It's far too cold outside for using the hose so an outdoor bath was not an option.

That meant it was me, the dog, and the bathtub. Or more accurately, the shower. For nearly an hour.
You'd have thought I shaved a sasquatch with the amount of hair everywhere in our tiny bathroom.

But she smells better. For a while. It was a small success, but a success nonetheless.

Sometimes we just need one little good thing to call it a good day. If your dog stinks, wash her.
Maybe it won't make your whole day better, but at least you can have a bad day with a clean dog.

The rest of our day was spent Christmas shopping. My kids were so good the whole time we were out and we got a lot crossed off our gift list. I talked to K about love being the true meaning of Christmas. We enjoyed looking at the Christmas displays at the stores and K had a fun time picking out clothes for one of his cousins. (Um, we need a baby ASAP! The boy loves finding the cutest outfits for babies!)

We didn't rush, I stifled my road rage, we listened to Christmas music, and we ate lunch at the Olive Garden. It was a good day, indeed!

365 of 30: Day 12

My kids were being so sweet and cuddling and watching movies together so I took some time to really deep clean the downstairs bathroom and get some laundry done. So mundane but so nice to accomplish!

My goal is to have the whole house nice and clean before the husband gets home from working over seas in about a week... it's a lofty goal, I won't lie.

The rest of the day was spent working on a Christmas project.

Nothing terribly spectacular happened. But Happy doesn't come only from grand events. Happy can be a clean bathroom and cuddles with the kids and watching the new How To Train Your Dragon movie.

365 of 30: Day 11

I have a brand new niece!!

What could bring more happiness than a new life?? I say nothing!
This little gem made me auntie for the 11th time and we are all so glad to have her here in our family! She's warm and squishy and perfect! She is getting the royal treatment in the NICU for a while due to a platelet issue, so I haven't had the chance to hold her yet, but she's in for so many kisses when she busts out of there!!

Babies bring Happy. End of story.

365 of 30: Day 10

Sometimes it's nice to just let the kids skip school and go do something fun! That's what we did for Day 10.

I had nothing on my agenda. No prior commitments, no appointments, no urgent errands to be ran, no reason to rush through the day... So I wasn't worried about how long we stayed; the day was all about just letting K run crazy, getting L out of the house, and having fun!

The museum was pretty cool and K was so care-free; something that he doesn't often seem to be. He's always very worried about London and concerned about her seizures or whether or not she's happy. All too often I think he's just too adult for his young age.

Letting him just be a kid, around other kids, was just what we needed!

There wasn't a lot that the museum had to offer for London, but she seemed content to be there. We did find a few things that she really liked, and got an idea for a fun art project for her room.

London loved to FEEL the music that K played for her!

I know a lot of people would think I'm totally irresponsible for doing this, but I'd recommend it in a heartbeat! What better way to surprise your kids?? The world is full of pressure, even for young kids, so go ahead and skip a day of chores and errands and class and just go do something fun!

365 of 30: Day 9 Gaining Perspective

Today wasn't so much about going out and doing something to spread happiness, or help others, or even accomplish anything... it was more about remembering that I don't have anything to prove to everyone around me.

Stop trying to gain everyone's approval because it just isn't possible.

Try to just accept yourself without comparison. Stop wanting to be what you perceive those around you to be. Social media is killing our self-esteem. It's all about perspective- people post the things that make them look good. They share with their 'followers' the things that make them enviable to others. They are looking for compliments and they crave 'likes'. I can't even begin to count the number of times I look at people's pictures and read comments like, "can I be you?" or "I wish I looked like you". I hate it. To my way of thinking, it's not a compliment, but rather a sad way of letting the world know that you haven't accepted yourself and would rather idealize someone that you THINK is perfect because of their hair/makeup/house/job/body/etc. It's one thing to tell someone they look great or have a beautiful home, but another thing all together to sit back and compare what you don't have to what they do have.

Don't get me wrong, I do this very thing way too often... But I look at it like this: Would I want my kids to constantly compare themselves to others? No, of course not. So the best way to avoid that is to be an example to them. I want my kids to be able to give sincere compliments to others, but not because they envy them. I want my kids to be happy in their life, not pining away to live the life of someone else. There's one person in particular that I love to hate and hate to love. She appears to have a perfect life with nothing but rainbows and sunshine and flawless lipstick. I remind myself every time I see things posted from her that those are only her highlights. I don't need to envy her because of her outward appearances. I'm not her and I never will be. In fact, I realized recently, that her life is probably SO freakin' exhausting! To live in a way that you're just camera-ready at all times has got to be tiring! So, I figure, either she's walking around like a zombie from constantly having to check her makeup and hair and plaster on that fake smile, or, more likely, she simply puts out the persona in order to look good and get those compliments. So I take everything she posts with a grain of salt. She's not perfect, even though her Instagram account would try to say otherwise. She has her off days, too, even though people aren't assaulted with images of it. It really is all about perspective.

Accept yourself and your life. Do what you can to improve yourself where you want to, but stop trying to be who you are not. Easier said than done, I know. But worth it. Imagine not feeling guilty that you can't afford to take your kids and grandkids on an all-expense vacation to exotic lands or not feeling ugly every time you look at the selfies that girl from high school posts on Instagram??

365 of 30: Day 8

Today was a day that my son and I just clashed. It was an off day for us.

So sometimes just going to bed early is Happy enough.

365 of 30: Days 7: Salted Chocolate

I'm the person who just does everything herself because nobody else does it right.

 I hate when people filled with such good intentions mess up the way I strap London's wheelchair onto the cargo hitch or forget to tighten the lids of her medicine and it leaks out in her medicine bag. I can't stand the way my husband hangs up his coats because they never face the right way and they're never zipped up (see Day 5 of my 365 of 30 posts!) My blood pressure soars when the contents of fridge aren't put back where they go. I'm boderline hysterical if my towels aren't folded the right way because then they don't fit on the shelf in the bathroom. I'm not that mom who invites her children to make cookies with her because I am NOT patient, I hate the mess, and I just want to get the damn things bakes already!

So I knew I had to do it. I had to just bake some freakin' cookies with K. No matter the mess, no matter how they turned out, no matter how long it took. I do, after all, so desperately WANT memories like this! I just have to get out of my head and not get irritated over such trivial stuff.

When I told Kannon it was time to start making the cookie dough, he looked at me as though I'd hung the moon. My heart melted and it I truly realized how much I am missing out on because I have that if-you-want-something-done-right-you-have-to-do-it-yourself mindset. I need to realize that the mess and some minor inconveniences are well worth the bonding and memories that come along with some made-from-scratch Salted Chocolate Chip Cookies. (Salted chocolate- it's the new thing. Just accidentally add three times the specified amount of salt to your cookie recipe and you can experience this delightful new delicacy, too)

So we made cookies...

For the love of all that is holy, I even let him *gulp*... STIR!

I didn't get mad at him for this.

Instead of just getting frustrated that he was plopping balls of cookie dough in any old random place (at one point even trying to spell his name out), I talked to him about why they need to be spaced out...

Then I let him plop them down in any old spot anyway, because, I reminded myself, it's just a batch of cookies. Nothing more.

Hello, Salted Chocolate Chip cookies...

Getting over my insanely selective OCD will probably forever be something I'm working on... But I think the important thing is recognizing it in myself and trying to improve.

Self-improvement is vital to continued happiness (in my humble opinion)... Once we stop trying to improve ourselves, are we then so arrogant as to think we're perfect?

Kinda, yeah.

There's always room to improve.

365 of 30: Day 6 Happy Blasting!

I thought I'd be writing about how keeping my cool all day with my two grumpy kids was my Happy for today (it was seriously one of those days!)...

Instead, I'll say this:
On the way home from dropping my kids off at my parent's house for the night, I had a Tootsiepop and blasted Taylor Swift in the car all the way home.

You can laugh if you want, but I love her. Her music has always been a guilty pleasure of mine. It makes me happy!

This might seem silly to some, but I hardly ever really blast music in the car. Or the house. I mean, what if blasting my Taylor Swift made it impossible for me to hear the sirens of an ambulance on an emergency call? What if I wasn't able to hear that my engine was disintegrating and was about to blow up the entire car with me in it?? What if my music is so loud in the house that I don't hear the SWAT team banging on the door because they've got the wrong address and they break in with guns blazing?? What if, heaven forbid, someone looked at me funny????

This is how I think. Always. What if, what if, what if...
I mean, seriously? SWAT? Why does my brain even go there??

I think Taylor and I have something in common...

Well tonight I just wanted her Happy. So I blasted it and sang into my Tootsiepop and didn't give a hoot about feeling foolish in front of myself.

So whatever music you like, just like it. Play it. Blast it. Sing along. Don't worry about not hearing SWAT at your door and don't think twice about who might laugh at your taste in music.

Just keep your eye open for those fire trucks and ambulances.