365 of 30: Days 7: Salted Chocolate

I'm the person who just does everything herself because nobody else does it right.

 I hate when people filled with such good intentions mess up the way I strap London's wheelchair onto the cargo hitch or forget to tighten the lids of her medicine and it leaks out in her medicine bag. I can't stand the way my husband hangs up his coats because they never face the right way and they're never zipped up (see Day 5 of my 365 of 30 posts!) My blood pressure soars when the contents of fridge aren't put back where they go. I'm boderline hysterical if my towels aren't folded the right way because then they don't fit on the shelf in the bathroom. I'm not that mom who invites her children to make cookies with her because I am NOT patient, I hate the mess, and I just want to get the damn things bakes already!

So I knew I had to do it. I had to just bake some freakin' cookies with K. No matter the mess, no matter how they turned out, no matter how long it took. I do, after all, so desperately WANT memories like this! I just have to get out of my head and not get irritated over such trivial stuff.

When I told Kannon it was time to start making the cookie dough, he looked at me as though I'd hung the moon. My heart melted and it I truly realized how much I am missing out on because I have that if-you-want-something-done-right-you-have-to-do-it-yourself mindset. I need to realize that the mess and some minor inconveniences are well worth the bonding and memories that come along with some made-from-scratch Salted Chocolate Chip Cookies. (Salted chocolate- it's the new thing. Just accidentally add three times the specified amount of salt to your cookie recipe and you can experience this delightful new delicacy, too)

So we made cookies...

For the love of all that is holy, I even let him *gulp*... STIR!

I didn't get mad at him for this.

Instead of just getting frustrated that he was plopping balls of cookie dough in any old random place (at one point even trying to spell his name out), I talked to him about why they need to be spaced out...

Then I let him plop them down in any old spot anyway, because, I reminded myself, it's just a batch of cookies. Nothing more.

Hello, Salted Chocolate Chip cookies...

Getting over my insanely selective OCD will probably forever be something I'm working on... But I think the important thing is recognizing it in myself and trying to improve.

Self-improvement is vital to continued happiness (in my humble opinion)... Once we stop trying to improve ourselves, are we then so arrogant as to think we're perfect?

Kinda, yeah.

There's always room to improve.

365 of 30: Day 6 Happy Blasting!

I thought I'd be writing about how keeping my cool all day with my two grumpy kids was my Happy for today (it was seriously one of those days!)...

Instead, I'll say this:
On the way home from dropping my kids off at my parent's house for the night, I had a Tootsiepop and blasted Taylor Swift in the car all the way home.

You can laugh if you want, but I love her. Her music has always been a guilty pleasure of mine. It makes me happy!

This might seem silly to some, but I hardly ever really blast music in the car. Or the house. I mean, what if blasting my Taylor Swift made it impossible for me to hear the sirens of an ambulance on an emergency call? What if I wasn't able to hear that my engine was disintegrating and was about to blow up the entire car with me in it?? What if my music is so loud in the house that I don't hear the SWAT team banging on the door because they've got the wrong address and they break in with guns blazing?? What if, heaven forbid, someone looked at me funny????

This is how I think. Always. What if, what if, what if...
I mean, seriously? SWAT? Why does my brain even go there??

I think Taylor and I have something in common...

Well tonight I just wanted her Happy. So I blasted it and sang into my Tootsiepop and didn't give a hoot about feeling foolish in front of myself.

So whatever music you like, just like it. Play it. Blast it. Sing along. Don't worry about not hearing SWAT at your door and don't think twice about who might laugh at your taste in music.

Just keep your eye open for those fire trucks and ambulances.
 

365 of 30: Day 5 Clean your closet!

I've found that when I'm feeling like I just can't relax in my own house, or that I'm just feeling crummy about life, it always helps to get something clean. It's nice to have things neat and orderly and clean, isn't it?? So why is it sometimes so hard to just get it done? I don't know... maybe because it's never-ending, especially if you've got kids. Life gets crazy and chaotic, but coming home to even more chaos just doesn't help.

I really wish I could say I was one of those super moms who always has clean windows, a tidy kitchen, dinner on the table at 6pm, and a magazine-ready, orderly, clean house. But I'm so NOT that person.

And after a while, the chaos always starts to get to me. I can't find things, there are no clean dishes, the kids are down to thread-bare socks that are a size too small, and there's clutter on every surface throughout the whole house. And when it gets that bad, it's just so overwhelming and I don't know where to start to get things back to livable conditions.

So as I was standing in the midst of what can only be described as a natural disaster confined to the rooms of my house, I knew I just had to start with one thing. Just one thing to get the ball rolling.

So that thing was my closet. I'm terribly particular about how my clothes are taken care of. Things need to be washed appropriately. I can't handle things hung up in what I consider to be the wrong manner. I don't like shoulder bumps on my shirts. My closet desperately needed some attention because I've been living in yoga pants and concert t-shirts for the past 3 months. Shoulder bumps were rampant. Hangers were askew. It was the worst kind of anxiety.

After taking care to rehang everything properly, I went ahead and got rid of some things that didn't fit anymore or that I just don't wear enough. I'll take those to the women's shelter.

There's something satisfying about taking good care of your possessions.

Whether you're like me and you need your shirts to be hanging the same direction, with shoulder seams lines up perfectly on your matching black velvet covered hangers, in order of sleeve length, or if you just like to have your silverware perfectly polished at all times, that satisfaction of keeping nice things nice is undeniable.

We live in a disposable world. I think taking proper care of stuff is no longer a priority for people because when something breaks or wears out, they just go out and buy more and more. I hate that.

Take care of your stuff. Clean up and keep things tidy as much as you can. I know it's hard and sometimes the task is intimidating. I know that it's often times that last thing on our to-do list. I know we're not all Martha Stuarts. I know it's not the more important thing for a mom- our kids come first, always.
But...

Maybe you're feeling less than motivated. Maybe you're just super sad one day. I say, clean something.

What's the worst that can happen? You could be sad with a clean closet or you can be sad with a messy closet. Might as well rid your life of shoulder bumps for the time being and see if it helps.

If you need ideas to get you going, here are a few things I did to keep things nice...

Put lengths of pool noodle into your boots to keep them upright and avoid creases and wear.

I found these baskets at Ikea. They hang on the bottom of a shelf, and they are perfect for flipflops and flats!

Got this on Pinterest... Fold your sweaters in half the hotdog way, and drape them onto your hangers. Buh-bye, shoulder bumps!

365 of 30: Day 4

I'm a firm believer that there's so much happiness to be had by just giving to others. Whether it's donating money to a worthy cause, donating items to your local homeless shelter, volunteering at a soup kitchen, or just helping a neighbor with their yard work; by putting that goodness out into the world, it's impossible to to get some of it back. There are far too many ways to help out to have any excuse not to.

It doesn't have to cost a lot, or anything at all, but you never know how many people you could be helping. Not to mention the fact (can I call it a fact?) that when a person sees someone helping or giving to others, it could warm their frigid heart and they might be inspired to pass along some happiness too.

Good inspires good. 

And we just need more good in this world. 

In London's backpack the other day there was a letter about making emergency kits for the students. It basically asked for us to make one for our student and that they need donations for kits for students whose parents can't afford to make one.

The kits are really pretty simple- some water, juice, canned meat, crackers, granola bars, canned fruit, etc...

I wanted to help out as much as I could, so K and I ventured out to our local big box store for supplies. I already had a few things we needed at home, like gallon-size Ziploc bags and about a billion pieces of Halloween candy that I was all too willing to throw into the kits.

I tried teaching Kannon a little bit about what these kits were for but the concept of emergency situations or natural disasters is kind of a tough subject for a 5-year-old apparently. But he got the gist of it and wanted to help. So I set up the back of my car like an assembly line and he helped me put the kits together.

 Our kits are missing canned fruit, but we've got a really good start! It was fun to do this project with K and to know that we're doing something that London's school needs. 

We made kits until we ran out of supplies, and we ended up with 40! I'd say that's definitely something to be happy about! We can't wait to finish them up and take them to the school! 

While we were at the store, K saw some fresh cut flowers that he just "really really wanted so much" to buy for me. He said that he loved me so much and that he wanted to give me those flowers so I'll feel happy... Well, how could I say no to that?? So he picked out the ones he wanted to give me, I bought them, and he presented them to me. My heart was kind of melting.

There was a lot of Happy in our day today. Lots to be thankful for!

365 of 30: Day 3

Day 3 was a lazy day for sure! London wasn't feeling that great after a long night so I kept her home from school and we went out to buy a new movie while K was in school. We ended up with two new movies, but whatever. I've mentioned before that we're movie people, so it's not unusual for us.

After getting Maleficent for London (and I!) and getting Hercules for K (and I! Hey, Dwayne Johnson is total eye candy...) we spent the afternoon and evening snuggled up on my bed watching movies and eating pizza.

I didn't worry about the laundry, my sewing projects, or cleaning the pig sty that is my home lately. I enjoyed Kannon's questions about the movies. He's getting to this stage where he's really understanding people's emotions and the story lines of movies, so it was interesting to hear his commentary. I enjoyed cuddling with the kids and just watching the movies all the way through with no interruptions.

Sometimes when I'm so wrapped up in my projects I forget that my kids are still growing and learning and carrying on with their little lives while I'm too busy to be present for it. It's so easy to think, "I'll give them my undivided attention tomorrow"... but you're missing out on those small moments that make the every day magical. Like K talking about how Maleficent just felt like nobody loved her anymore, or how London seemed so focused and attentive on the movies. I don't want to miss out on these things so much anymore.

I want to soak those moments up like an Oreo in a glass of milk.

Pizza and movies. Sometimes that's all it takes.

365 of 30: Day 2

Yesterday was day 2 of what I'm calling my Happiness Project...
It was a simple day. My Happy for the day was something that I too often don't do because I always have projects going on and I'm just plain lazy...

Kannon and I went to the park. We took the dog with us and just got out for a while. We live right across the street from the park but we don't go there nearly as often as we should. We typically stay home watching movies and I usually sew or read or just try to catch up with house work that will never truly be complete no matter how hard I try because, as any mom knows, it's just a never-ending cycle. So why do I worry about it so much? (And let me tell ya, if you just dropped in for a chat some time and saw my house, you'd think I never worried about at all. Toys, clothes, books, papers, unfinished projects... they're everywhere!)

Well, I decided to just get out of my head for a while and let Kannon just go have some fun. We weren't there for very long, but after playing on the playground and walking around the soccer fields, he was grinning from ear to ear and I knew that the fresh air and getting out of the house was the perfect Happy for that day.

It really goes to show you that you don't always have to spend money to achieve a little happiness each day.

All I had to do was stop trying to do all these little projects I have going on and go and let Kannon just be a kid. It's something that I need to do more consistently, not only for my kids but for myself as well.

Fresh air. Get you some.

Total spent on Happy: $0
Running total: About $24

365 of 30: My Happiness Project, Day 1

So I turned 30 on November 2nd.

Thirty.

Some women freak out. So far, two days into my thirtieth year, I feel fine about it all. Some women look back and count all the things they haven't accomplished by their thirties and it sends them into some level of depression that only hitting the 'big three-oh' can do... But here's my take on it: I can look back at ANY age and list all the things I wish I would have done by then. Being 30 doesn't suddenly make me sad about missed opportunities that I wasn't sad about when I was 29. Or even 29 and a half.

I try not to regret things in my life, but rather move forward with a greater sense of what I'd like to achieve and how I want to raise my kids. I'd like to think that I've learned even from the things I DIDN'T do in my younger years.

I guess I just think there's enough to be sad about in this life; turning 30 just shouldn't make that list.

BUT, turning 30 did get me thinking. Thinking about the 'good ol' days' when my biggest worry was how to do my hair for school each morning and whether or not that cute boy in my history class liked me. Thinking about learning how to drive, becoming an aunt for the first time, going rollerblading with my best friend every weekend. Things were very simple when I was half my age, and I suppose I'll still be able to say that when I'm 40 and 50 and so on.

Things get complicated as you grow up. Shit gets real.

When I was young, I was just perpetually depressed. I was so down on myself. I NEVER stopped comparing myself to girls who were skinnier, prettier, or more popular. I used to cut myself just to feel some sort of release. I was a little self-destructive but too scared of being in trouble to really get into anything too terrible. But I easily could have been swept away in a bad crowd and ended up God-knows-where doing God-knows-what. For whatever reason, I straightened myself out and came out of my teenage years intact.

And I look back at my so-called 'problems' from back then and just shake my head at my former self.

After getting London's diagnosis, I learned a few things about real heartbreak and real self-doubt. I realized that the sadness I went through as a teen had more to do with me being a selfish, naive teen than it did with actually having something to be sad about. It was just regular teenage stuff. And I think I could have easily turned London's diagnosis around and made it about me and how hard I had it in life but I try very hard not to do that. Well, actually no, I don't try very hard not to do that; I just don't feel that way so there's very little trying involved.

My life doesn't suck. We all have our struggles, and there truly is always someone who has it worse than you. If we all lined up according to how bad we have it, and we got the very end of the line, to the person with the most difficulties, we'd probably discover that even THAT person could look at someone else's problems and honestly think "I'm glad I don't have to deal with that...". We don't all react to stress the same way, so one person's minor setback could be another person's greatest obstacle.

At 30 years old, I feel like I'm pretty happy. But happiness is sometimes something you have to work for. In fact, I think work plays a bag part. I've learned a lot of things, and continue to learn, about staying happy in a world where it's all too easy to drown in your sorrows.

I don't hold all of life's secrets, but I have been asked before how I don't let something like London's disabilities get me down (too much). So here's what I know:
*Giving to others really does bring joy into your life.
*Slowing down and enjoying the moment you're in NOW is difficult in this crazy busy rush-rush-rush hurry-up-and-wait world, but it's important.
*Let go of juvenile tendencies like lying. Seriously, do adults still need to lie??
*Have some freakin' integrity. Just have some.
*Stop being a different person based on whose company you're in. Just be you, all the time, everywhere.
*Try not to compare yourself to everyone else, and instead try to be better than the person you were yesterday.
*Stop pointing out every single flaw about your body. Stop making fat jokes about yourself.
*Work hard first and ask for help second.
*Accept help when it's offered.

I could go on, I'm sure, but those are just a few of the things I have tried my best to do over the past eight or ten years. I still struggle with any number of those things at any given time, but I'm trying.

That's where my 365 of 30 idea came from. Looking back over my last thirty years and realizing how far I've come makes me just want to continue that trend of self-improvement and general happiness.

So every day this year I'm going to do something to spread some happiness. It might be something to make me happy, it might be something to make one of my kids happy or the husband, or maybe it's something to brighten the day of a complete stranger. It could be something like giving a gift or it could be as simple as taking the time to play a game with Kannon instead of telling him I'm busy. Maybe it's getting my house nice and clean, maybe it's sending an old-fashioned letter to someone... There are a billion things we can do to feel good about ourselves, and we have to start somewhere. We always have something to give and we can always help in some way.

So I'll share what I did  yesterday, my first day into this...
We had already had a big birthday party to celebrate London's and Kannon's birthdays. We did it early so that we could do something outside while it was still warm. It was fun and full of kids. But yesterday, on Kannon's actual birthday, he asked for a cake. My first inclination was to tell him 'no' because it's not like we were having a party. But then I thought, why not?? It's just a cake, I had the money, and it was a simple thing. So I let him pick out a cake at the bakery, we put candles on it, and I sang to him in our basement while we watched The Three Amigos. And guess what... he was SO happy! He turned to me, with chocolate smeared all over his perfect little baby face and said, "Thanks for the birthday mom!"

Thanks for the birthday. Not "thanks for the cake", but "thanks for the birthday". I know what he meant by it, but what my emotional mommy side got out of it was, "thanks for giving me life"

All because of a cake.



Total spent on Happy: about $24